Tag Archives: addiction


21 Mar

The Raw Honesty, The Violence, The Struggles, And The Journey From Living In The Past Full Of Anger… To Finding Peace and Balance.

I Wrote This In 2003 To Remind Myself Of My Journey And To Hopefully Inspire Others On A More Peaceful Path.

Some Days Even Though I Lived This Story… I Have to Come Back To Read This So I Don’t Fall Off My Path And Forget That I Am Strong and I CAN Make It Through ANYTHING!!

I found this again and thought I would share….

Some of you will stop reading after the first paragraph in judgment and/or disbelief that this is about me…

And some of you will read through the whole thing and learn some valuable lessons in life 🙂

Peace, Power, and Love My Friends!

Mary Lou Sandler




I was born a girl with rage and evil in her heart from my first breath on this earth. I grew up a vain child, devious, and feeling alone most of the time. Many souls have come in and out of my life some whom felt the same way I did and relished in the mischief we could create together while others I have hurt and shamed with my selfish, jealous, and vile ways. I have loved and hated with great passion. I had always been one extreme to another. I learned to adapt, mold, and blend myself into any situation so not to show my true self and the rage I felt growing inside of me.

There was a time when I went from loving myself more than anyone to loathing myself more than anyone. Growing up I have felt great love from one part, hated and envied by another, and abandoned by others in my family. I have beaten people down with my fists and with verbal fits of rage only to make myself feel more powerful in some way or another. I have been beaten, raped, and torn apart by people I thought I knew and loved. I have been stalked and attacked by strangers who thought I would be their next victim but failed.

I can no longer keep count how many times I have wanted to die because I did not feel loved or believed myself to be to inadequate to conquer life and have also lost count on how many times I have actually tried to end it all and failed. The last time I thought heavily about it I asked for help for the first time instead of acting out. That was in the year of 2000 right before I tore all the cartilage out of my knee, didn’t have health insurance, laid in bed immobile for 2 months and was forced to reevaluate my life.

Thus became the days of my awakening

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